


Making a Commitment

by Asselin



Category: Flora Segunda Series - Ysabeau S. Wilce
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:46:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21878650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asselin/pseuds/Asselin
Summary: Eight years after the end of the third book, Flora discovers that maybe saying 'yes' isn't as hard as she thinks it is.
Relationships: Flora Nemain Fyrdraaca ov Fyrdraaca Segunda/Udo Landaðon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Making a Commitment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jadelennox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadelennox/gifts).

> Disclaimer: The Flora Segunda series does not belong to me or mine. I am not making money off of this story, nor do I intend to.
> 
> 2019 EDIT: A few years ago, I planned to remove all my posted stories from this account and only use it to leave kudos occasionally. However, removing what were gifts to other people without even a warning was a mistake, so as of now I'm reposting all of my Yuletide works.  
And thank you, CousinShelley, for sending me the email that started this!

The snow swirls coldly around me as I stand outside the door, shivering even in my thick winter coat and hood. I want to step forward and knock, but a deep-set fear keeps me from doing it, even as the cold sinks in, and I think that I can’t stand here for another hour like the last one. What’s keeping me from raising my hand, I wonder fruitlessly. It’s only Captain Landaðon’s door I’m standing before and only him inside. But the fact that in my mind I’ve regressed to calling him by his title is evidence enough of what’s transpired between us.

It’s been almost a year since the night he went down on one knee and proposed with all the elegance and flash I’d come to expect of him. He even had a bouquet of roses, although only the Goddess knows where he got those from in midwinter. But even though in my heart I wanted to say ‘yes’ as badly as he must have wanted me to, I just couldn’t. There were a dozen reasons in my mind - it was too early, we were both still too young to really know what either of us wanted, what was the reason for spoiling what we had already, and more - but in actual fact, I think I was just scared that we couldn’t make it work. So like a snapperhead, I said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t,” and ran out of the house.

Since then, we’ve gone our separate ways, each to ourselves and never speaking or seeing the other. But like any of the other times our paths have diverged, we’ve started thinking about it again - I have, at least, although from what I know about him, I suppose that the Captain has as well.

So here I’ve stood for the past hour, trying to work up the courage to knock and admit that I was wrong. But something’s holding me back. I’m not stupid enough to think that it’s just nerves, although some seven years ago I might have been. Now, I know the feeling for what it is: fear. Fear of being turned away, fear of being ignored, fear of what might happen if he forgives me.

So here I still stand. Staring longingly at the gilded door, I tuck my hands into deep pockets and wait for something in me to break, something that will allow me to withdraw them and make that one motion that I‘ve been dreading all night.

“I can do this,” I whisper to myself for the fourth time tonight. “I can do this, I will do this, I must do this.”

But I don’t, and tears begin to pour down my cheeks, hot at first, then cooling until they freeze at last along the curve of my jaw. I draw my hands from my pockets, but not just to knock. Instead, I weep brokenly as I pound them against the door open-palmed.

Then, suddenly, the door swings open, and I’m staring, teary-eyed, at the Captain’s surprised face.

“Nyana?” he asks, and with that, I’m crying again, sobbing “I’m so sorry,” over and over again as I collapse into his arms. His grip is warm and comforting, making me wonder why I ever said ‘no’ to him. He shushes me softly, guiding me inside and shutting the door behind me. I barely notice my surroundings as he seats me in a plush chair. Kneeling in front of me, he takes my face in his hands and says, “It’s alright, Nyana, I know….”

“No, it’s not,” I hiccup, forcing myself to look at him squarely in the face. “You didn’t deserve what I did to you. I just…didn’t want to hurt you any more by saying yes when I couldn’t make it work.”

“We’ll make it work,” he replies confidently, acting as if we‘d been talking about this for hours. “We’ve made things work before; we can do it again. You know we can.”

I sniffle, wiping my nose with one sleeve, and force myself into a degree of composure. “I know we can,” I whisper, “but will we? You can’t know that, Udo. We’ve never gotten along so well for any length of time, you told me that yourself. What if we get married, and then we can’t stand the sight of each other?”

“We’ll have more reason to fight this time. And we‘re older now, we can make commitments that we could never have kept before.”

“Udo, I’m just so scared…” There, I’ve swallowed my bitter, ever-present pride and admitted it. The one thing keeping me from giving in to what he wants. To what we both want and have probably wanted for a long time.

He smiles warmly, without a shred of condescencion. “Have you ever let fear get in your way before, Nyana?” he asks. “You’d have stared down the Goddess Califa herself if she had something you wanted. Surely you won’t let a little thing like that get in your way now.”

I smile back despite my tears, his words making me feel a bit better. “Maybe. I still don’t know.” His face falls, but then I continue, “I’m not saying no, Udo, I just want some time to think about it.”

His little grin returns, and he wraps me in a bear hug, kissing me on the cheek. I smile slightly and hug him back, burying my nose in his shirt, breathing in the warm, alive smell that he‘s left on it. “That’s all I’m asking, girl,” he murmurs in my ear, smoothing my hair with one hand. “That’s all.”

Snuggling further into his arms, I close my eyes and whisper, “And for what it’s worth, I’ll probably say yes, anyway.”

“Are you teasing me?” he asks, his voice muffled in my hair.

“If that’s what you’d like to believe, then yes, I’m teasing you.”

“Good. I was just making sure.”

I raise my head and frown at him. “Why?”

He grins, his eyes half-lidded. “So I can repay you later.”

Grinning, I slap him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much to galfridian for beta reading this for me.


End file.
